I am in Veracruz with dad. He is progressing very well. There has been some complications, tho, I think today for the first time I feel like we are in the road of recovery and not just hoping to not get worse. This has been a huge lesson for me in many ways. I am learning to surrender and trust that everything is going to work out in whichever way it has to happen. For all this time all I wanted to do is remove dad’s suffering. I am learning to respect our paths, there are things he needs to learn, there are things I need to learn. I am searching for the best perspective in life instead of just being angry, resentful or sad. I can not “fix” dad, I am trying to just be and I am finding how difficult it can be. Sometimes 10 times a second I get to choose to let go, and do it all over again. I am learning that loving him does not mean fixing him or removing his suffering. Instead it means to be with him in spite of his suffering. To share his pain and love him anyway, to sit and read to him even if I am not sure if he can understand me or if he is listening to what I am saying. It means to respect my own suffering and not abandon him because I am in pain.
This might be a long road, I just hope for the best result.