I have ebbs and flows, sometimes I feel at the top of the mountain and sometimes I feel like a blob on the floor, I can not sink lower. Currently, I am in one of those flattened times. I feel like I’m getting all the emotions at once, I’m sad, and then I’m angry, frustrated, resentful. Why did it take a stroke to reconnect to my father? Why was it so difficult for us to talk? Which really it is not totally true, I used to talk to him a lot. He would spend hours telling me stories from when he was young, I would sit and listen and ask questions and at times I would get a bit frustrated because he talked about the same things over and over. But, I loved to hear his philosophies, he was unique and one of a kind. He had unique point of views and I wouldn’t agree with everything but I found him fascinating. A lot of the ways I view life, work, interactions, etc are very influenced by his teachings. I didn’t see it that way when he would talk to me. Now I understand that I was absorbing so much of his philosophy, which is brilliant in a lot of ways and very poor on some others … It was a privilege that I did not always appreciate.
I think one of the most painful things about our current situation is being so far away from dad, I want to be able to hug him and kiss him every day … I am fortunate enough that I can see him on video calls in a regular basis … Love you dad!