Lately I have been shedding a lot of my anger and resentment, it wasn’t until I started this process that I realized how much hurt the resentment was causing me. How much pain I have carried for the last 30 years of my life. As I removed each layer of anger, fear and resentment my life evolved to a more peaceful, kind existence. Do not get me wrong, I am not Enlighten, I still get angry, sometimes I even yell. Tho, this is happening less and less. The most important thing is I am more and more in love with life, all life and my life in particular.
When I understood and accepted that I made my own decisions, when I opened my eyes to the suffering of people I love instead of what they do to offend me. When I saw that what is good or right for me is not necessary good for anyone else. We all have different lives, we all have different points of view, we are all in different places and different times. Good, bad, right, wrong, it is all a matter of perspective. When I wanted to redefine what I saw as unforgivable I had to change my perspective to that time, that place … I still know the damage done, but I can see my suffering and the suffering of the people around me, that soften my attitude.
I finally understood the only way I am able to forgive anybody is to start with my own forgiveness. When I accepted that I am not perfect, when I was able to see myself emotionally fully naked and I was able to change my perspective from what I’ve done wrong to the value I bring. Initially, all I wanted was peace. Now, I want joy and love and excitement.
My forgiveness to myself has taken a lifetime and I remind myself everyday, loving myself is less work than hating myself. I am still working on moving to a place of love and peace. I found the walk worth doing.