En on Fabiola

Getting out of the box

Mon, 30 Jul 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Today I colored the skin of a lady in purple in my coloring book, Yes!! Such a simple act, it seems inconsequential. For me it was a huge step. As a kid I loved drawing, it was a very cathartic activity making things come to life in a page was magical. Coloring on the other hand was not part of my activities. At some point as a little girl I convinced myself that I was terrible with colors. So I stopped using color pencils, my thing was drawing just with a regular pencil. Tho, I longed for colors. At some point I even registered to a class on how to use colors. I went to the first class convinced I couldn’t use colors anyway so what was the point? I quit. My thinking was, I needed to use the colors correctly otherwise it made no sense to use them. Finally yesterday, I decided to use my coloring books. The ones I bought two years ago with the excuse that they were going to be for the little ones that come visit. I dusted the books out and I started by coloring the hair in different shades of pink and purple, tho, the skin, the skin had to be realistic so I didn’t use purple. Today I jumped out of the box. I didn’t listen to the little voice telling me “for the skin you have to use skin color of course! Skin is not purple!!!” Forget about the fact that I was coloring fairies, who knows which color is their skin!! And I used purple!! It was a very uncomfortable choice!! I really wanted purple skin, even tho, it went against all my “coloring instincts”. Even tho it seems such a little thing, I like celebrating even the smallest things that guide me to be more myself, less what I think I am suppose to be. Those little things that help me free of expectations, of fears of shoulds. Now I understand the advice about using your best china, your best clothing or perfume for no reason at all. Those little actions have help me break through the glass ceiling or boxes that I keep myself in. Those little boxes where, without noticing, I avoid risks and try to not fail. Today I celebrate freedom, one step at the time.

Mom

Tue, 24 Jul 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Mom was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease about 20 years ago. We had been so worried about her disease that we forgot to love her. Just love her and be present for her, not only to take care of her. I have also been so focused on dad’s stroke I forgot to be there for that beautiful woman. That woman that has taken me a lifetime to understand, to fully see. I always remember her stoic, strong, always there, always ready for whatever was needed. Her temperament, her seriousness, her always pushing me to be better, nothing was good enough. All those rules about what a lady does or doesn’t do. Her way of worrying for who needed her the most, so many times I felt that was not fair, everybody needed her. There were so many things in the way in my heart and my mind, I forgot to appreciate how amazingly special she is. I remember my house full of people, of course us we were seven kids that was more than enough adding to that, were our friends always around. I do not remember her complaining about having to feed all of us plus one, two, three more people very often, sometimes daily. She was always kind to my friends, most of them remember at least once when mom did something extra special for them. Like picking them up when we were in junior high because they were sick and both of their parents worked, or making their favorite dish to celebrate their birthdays, or praying with them because something was going wrong in their lives. I was so worried about what was going wrong in my life that I let go of the things that were so right and my mother has been so right in my life.

Letting Go

Sun, 15 Jul 2018 00:00:00 +0000

I just came back from visiting mom and dad. As I was saying goodbye to my father, a man that I have seen come back from the dead a few times, who has been strong and compassionate even in the face of excruciating pain, without being able to speak or move without help, not even for his most basic needs. A man that is such a fighter, at 86 years old he was still walking, talking and behaving as though he felt fit. A man that even after a stroke at 87 has not allowed us to determine what he is going to eat or wear or when he is going to rest. I have seen him cry every day, I do not know why. It is still terrifying to think that he is leaving this world and I will not be able to hear his voice again.

Let it be

Sat, 07 Jul 2018 00:00:00 +0000

All my life I have been pursuing something “better”, I am a self improvement project. From how to get better grades to how to have better relationships to make more money, etc. If there is something that I perceive as “wrong” immediately ask myself “how do I do it better or how can I change it for the better?” It can be a rat’s wheel, always looking for the good side to every situation, every problem, every relationship.

Communication

Tue, 19 Jun 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Until recently I have been very closed of, I feel very intensively and I have very strong opinions and if you are at the opposite end of my opinion I had never been afraid of let you know … But that is not real communication, that is not opening my heart and sharing from a loving, open perspective my hurts, my likes and dislikes, what makes me tick. Very rarely I share when I have been hurt, I mean it is obvious because I am like an open book, you can read any emotion. But you would not know why. Until very recently I never thought I had the right to “feel” and to let you know. I always thought that loving somebody meant that I had to “take” anything and be there for the person regardless if I was been hurt, emotionally hurt or if I was not been heard, etc.

Change

Mon, 28 May 2018 00:00:00 +0000

My life has been evolving. I’ve used every resource I can find, from meditation, change of perspective and kinder self talk to appreciate everything that is around me, the good and the bad. Things that used to seem bad I now see as growth opportunities and part of understanding the world around me.

This process is a way of life, a change in attitude. It is not a destination, it is more a walk. I am seeing it as something that I will do and enjoy for the rest of my life. I am finding that there is always something new to learn, something old to shed and something to change and/or something to overcome.

Kinder Self Talk

Fri, 25 May 2018 00:00:00 +0000

This morning I woke up with the same thought I did yesterday and the day before and the day before and I do not remember how many days before: “Yesterday I ate too much sugar, I drank too much beer, I haven’t exercise”. This morning I was more aware of where my thoughts were going, today I got the message that I was giving to myself: “One more time I have not lived to my expectation, one more time I am wrong, one more time I can not seem to be able to get everything right!”.

Forgiveness

Thu, 24 May 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Lately I have been shedding a lot of my anger and resentment, it wasn’t until I started this process that I realized how much hurt the resentment was causing me. How much pain I have carried for the last 30 years of my life. As I removed each layer of anger, fear and resentment my life evolved to a more peaceful, kind existence. Do not get me wrong, I am not Enlighten, I still get angry, sometimes I even yell. Tho, this is happening less and less. The most important thing is I am more and more in love with life, all life and my life in particular.

Life Patterns and Forgiveness

Tue, 15 May 2018 00:00:00 +0000

I keep recognizing the different patterns that I use to move forward when trying to get over difficulties I don’t know how to deal with. As grateful as I am for those patterns, some of them do not serve me anymore.

It has been a very interesting exercise for me to unveil and discover those patterns. I am sure people that know me well will read and say: “You could have asked me, I could have told you and stopped you from having to do all that work to arrive there!!” I am sure that is true. Tho, I was not ready to let them go until I was ready to see them. Even if somebody would have told me about them, it probably wouldn’t mean anything to me. My mind would have gone to: “sure, you do not like me or whatever else.” I have learned that if I am not ready to receive, it doesn’t matter how clear the picture looks, it is meaningless to me.

Fall, get up and continue

Mon, 07 May 2018 00:00:00 +0000

So many times I believe I “arrived”, I am in a better place. I can meditate and be at peace so beautifully, life is wonderful, everything is just amazing! My life, my job, my family, my friends, everything. and then something happens, anything really it doesn’t have to be a “big deal” just something that reminds me of something else or it rubs me the wrong way or who knows what! And BAM I am right back where I started. I feel like I have written a million times about this and it still surprises me every time! Sometimes it is just a small mistep and others I just fall flat face on the floor. It gets a lot worse when I start asking “What happened?” “What did I do wrong?” “How come I am back in the same place?”. That just creates an insane reaction that sometimes last a second and others what seems a lifetime! The truth is, I am in a different place, it is not the same as it was before, everytime it seems to be something different maybe related to the same thing but not really the same. It is a reminder that nothing is permanent, everything changes … it is just a reminder …

Resources

Mon, 07 May 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Some of my favorite sites. Places and people that have had a profound impact on my life in some way. This is a collection my life’s searching to recover my sanity and happiness. Some of them have been my long companions since I started this path, others have come for a second and we departed on good terms while others have come and go. I am very grateful to have found each and every one of them since they have left a mark and they appear exactly when I needed them most. I would like to add, those are by no means the only people that have support me on my journey. Tho my acknowledge page is long overdue and it is coming …

Learning to Accept

Wed, 18 Apr 2018 00:00:00 +0000

The more I am hurting the more I hide. I have written a few different attempts for a new post without success. I have been “pretending” to be fine, not really to deceive who is around but because I couldn’t really be with my feelings. The truth is I have been very lost, my parents health is very frail and I am terrified of losing them. I do understand they have been in this world for 86 years and their time to go is near. I understand that but it doesn’t make it less terrifying. I am learning to accept where I am. Learning to stop trying to make myself feel better, learning to be with the pain and accepting it as a real part of myself, my feelings. It is what it is. I have moments, I am not terrified 24/7 it is more like moments that sneak in when I least expect. Like, I am at the office talking to somebody and all the sudden a wave of panic swirls up from the pit of my stomach to my head. Sometimes I can breath and stay with the breath, other times I have to move and I go hide somewhere hopefully with enough time to meditate a little; which in most cases helps, while other times I do not seem to connect with my space. While other times I just power through hoping that I would not do anything silly or that nobody would notice. I remind myself, I have something to hold on to. I know that everything is temporary and transient, everything will pass, sometimes that is enough to get me through the day. While other times it is not, and I feel like I am going to be swallowed by the grief. Even tho, I know it will not happen … I am still trying to get use to this feeling, trying to let it be next to me and not inside me, I am trying to make peace with the loss of who my parents were and stay with who they are now without panicking about the future. Sometimes, sometimes that works … Nothing is forever, not even this feeling …

Stir up Feelings

Wed, 18 Apr 2018 00:00:00 +0000

I have ebbs and flows, sometimes I feel at the top of the mountain and sometimes I feel like a blob on the floor, I can not sink lower. Currently, I am in one of those flattened times. I feel like I’m getting all the emotions at once, I’m sad, and then I’m angry, frustrated, resentful. Why did it take a stroke to reconnect to my father? Why was it so difficult for us to talk? Which really it is not totally true, I used to talk to him a lot. He would spend hours telling me stories from when he was young, I would sit and listen and ask questions and at times I would get a bit frustrated because he talked about the same things over and over. But, I loved to hear his philosophies, he was unique and one of a kind. He had unique point of views and I wouldn’t agree with everything but I found him fascinating. A lot of the ways I view life, work, interactions, etc are very influenced by his teachings. I didn’t see it that way when he would talk to me. Now I understand that I was absorbing so much of his philosophy, which is brilliant in a lot of ways and very poor on some others … It was a privilege that I did not always appreciate.

Walking with my father III (December 4th, 2017)

Wed, 21 Mar 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Because of Dad The past few months have been one of the richest growth spurts of my life. Dad’s stroke allowed me to grow emotionally, spiritually, as an individual, and within my family.

I have realized how much resentment I had been holding in my heart. How everything I felt had a tinge of what I wanted but it had a huge amount of what I didn’t want, it had a huge amount of my buried past, the past that I “forgot”, the one that I shunt.

Walking with my father - II (July 28th, 2017)

Tue, 13 Mar 2018 00:00:00 +0000

I am in Veracruz with dad. He is progressing very well. There has been some complications, tho, I think today for the first time I feel like we are in the road of recovery and not just hoping to not get worse. This has been a huge lesson for me in many ways. I am learning to surrender and trust that everything is going to work out in whichever way it has to happen. For all this time all I wanted to do is remove dad’s suffering. I am learning to respect our paths, there are things he needs to learn, there are things I need to learn. I am searching for the best perspective in life instead of just being angry, resentful or sad. I can not “fix” dad, I am trying to just be and I am finding how difficult it can be. Sometimes 10 times a second I get to choose to let go, and do it all over again. I am learning that loving him does not mean fixing him or removing his suffering. Instead it means to be with him in spite of his suffering. To share his pain and love him anyway, to sit and read to him even if I am not sure if he can understand me or if he is listening to what I am saying. It means to respect my own suffering and not abandon him because I am in pain.

Walking with my father - I (July 14th, 2017)

Thu, 08 Mar 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Dad is recovering in the hospital, 2 weeks ago he had a brain hemorrhage in the left side of his brain. A brain hemorrhage the size of a lime. His state is delicate, tho, seems like the most dangerous time is over. He lost the speech and most of the movility on his right side. There is a long recovery ahead of us.

This post is not really about him, it is about me and the very clear message I received last week when I saw my father fighting for his life, when I said goodbye twice to the man that gave me life, when for the first time in my adult life I was hysterical and I had no idea what to do, when I signed twice to be responsible for his life since we were doing things against the “advisable doctor” at that moment. I finally understood what things are important for me in this life. it was very clear that my love for dad is unconditional, that I do not care if we do not see eye to eye or if our beliefs are so different we could be from different planets. I understood that to be myself and keep my beliefs I do not need his approval and I do not need for him to think the same way I do. I understood I get to be myself and he gets to be himself, we can hold hands and see opposite worlds, I understood that if I stopped trying to convince him how right I am, therefore how wrong he is …. we can love, respect and accept each other. Now, I do not know if I will be able to fully be with him again. I am very grateful to Federica for pushing me to “make peace with him” at least I know we were both trying to heal our relationship and I will forever be grateful to her about it. Thank you Momentum for being in Seattle, I love you!

Walking with my father - Introduction

Wed, 07 Mar 2018 00:00:00 +0000

About 8 months ago my father had a stroke, which change our lives forever.

I stopped using my blog for all that time, I was too emotionally involved with his recovery, I was too fragile, too raw to make sense of anything. During those months I wrote some pages, I wrote to keep myself halfway sane, I wrote to pour my soul and maybe find solace, I wrote because I didn’t know what else to do with myself, with my time, with my thoughts.

Coming back

Sat, 24 Feb 2018 00:00:00 +0000

I have been so absent from my blog and I think from my life to. It is not easy to make the path back … So many things have happened and at the same time it seems like nothing has changed. Almost one year, almost one year since I last wrote anything, one year since I last I wrote a word in this blog. Did you ever have that feeling that your entire life is changed but from a naked eye, nothing, really, truly nothing changed? I feel that way right now. I still work in the same place, I still drive the same car, I still have the same name … and at the same time. I feel like somebody else is here, typing this words. I think in so many ways I dress, act, talk like somebody else. I must be somebody different than who I was a year a go. There are so many things, so many stories … I will tell you all those, ok, maybe not all. Just some, just enough. I am open, and at the same time, this makes no sense. But I promise I will do my best to explain how even tho, I am the same person. That person is now gone, different forever changed …

What does it mean for me to be Mexican?

Sat, 24 Feb 2018 00:00:00 +0000

Being Mexican for me is a verb not a noun. It is to be loud and to laugh scandalously, to be colorful and to follow your traditions. I mean there are lots of traditions in Mexico, not all of them I follow, not all of them are part of my personal or familiar traditions but I respect them! It is to have skulls on your table at the beginning of November and to have posadas with pinatas on December. It is enjoy chiles, mole and guacamole. To eat carne asada from time to time and to kiss our savior good night. It is to wish to see my beautiful Puebla for the ofrendas and to think of my beautiful Popocatepetl when I see a magnificent volcano. It is to think of the sleeping Iztaccíhuatl and the warrior legend. It is not forgetting where I come from or how to speak Spanish. It is not forgetting who I am …

Into the healing path

Fri, 24 Mar 2017 00:00:00 +0000

I am so lucky to have amazing support, people who showed me things on a different light. I changed from beat up mode to healing mode. In beat up mode the cycles of self-harm persist over and over. In healing mode we still feel the grief, the dark, deep rooted pain, tho if we allow ourselves to share that raw pain. Accepting love and support from the people around us, it creates a huge wave that crashes in and ultimately, resides. I didn’t think I was strong enough to feel the incredible pain caused by my brother’s departure, I really thought I would die if I let it all come to the surface. I was immersed in so much guilt and shame, there was no room for healing. Allowing the space with the people I love to not only share but explorer and shift from guilt to love and connection. Seeing myself through the eyes of others created the space for healing. I know I can’t have my brother back, but I can recover myself and my family. I have worked on forgiveness for 21 years, every time there is something different in the layer that I uncover. I do not know if I have learned everything I need to know from this crazy experience but I know I am making progress! As one of my precious friends reminded me, I get to experience forgiveness and a release from the guilt. I can’t live in the space of “what if I had…”, that conversation doesn’t move us forward. There is a lot of love and connection that is possible with myself, my family and everybody I come in contact with, coming from love and connection instead of guilt and inadequacy. I am processing. I am sad, but without the feeling it will never end. I see the progress now, I am good …. <3

From Armando to Today

Thu, 23 Mar 2017 00:00:00 +0000

I have been involved with the amazing possibilities of volunteering for a great organization, Momentum, that has supported me in making my dreams come true. Currently I am part of the coaching team for their Leadership class. As part of this class a couple of weekends ago there was a full weekend of magic. It was the same as when I was a participant this particular weekend before, it brought out so many emotions, for which I am grateful since it has giving me the opportunity to heal. Tho I am very immersed in that process, at this moment I feel a pain that I don’t think it’s going to end. I am hiding, I do not want to talk to anybody about it. How to tell them that my brother asked me for help the day before he killed himself. He wanted to go see a healer and I was too busy to take him, I was leaving the next day for a business trip and I had no time … And tho he made his choice; he had attempted suicide before (I learned that after his passing) … I can not help but wonder, maybe I could have done something different. I had been so angry at my mother and father because I believed they had not been there for him, for me, for us … now I think in a big part because I had not been able to feel the pain of betrayal; my betrayal for him. I was not a little kid, I was 26 years old and I did nothing to alleviate his pain. Consciously I can tell myself how he made his choice but deep inside I think I could have done more for him. I got used to his pain, I got used to his suffering and I stopped seeing it, it became part of his daily life and mine. I can tell myself how we grew up in the same home and I had my own pain, but that is an excuse, an excuse to the fact that even then I had learned to numb myself, I had learned to ignore the bad feelings. If we do not see it it doesn’t exist. I am trying to do something with my pain and I don’t know how. I keep reading all these “self compassion” books and I thought I was learning, it totally doesn’t feel that way right now … I am still numb … I love you. Thank you for give me a space and listen to my rambling ….

Vulnerability

Fri, 03 Mar 2017 00:00:00 +0000

This weekend I attended a vulnerability workshop. I had the opportunity to share the room with a group of strong, courageous women. We came together in our path to become more ourselves. Having such wonderful company is always a fantastic way to dig deep down into my heart to find the pieces of myself that are hidden, I found a few new ones this time. Those pieces I found are not exactly new tho, I just saw them from a different perspective. I have had trouble with my temper most of my life. I used to think I had a problem with “anger management”. This weekend I figured out the problem is with shame. I was soooo ashamed of my anger it made me spin out of control. I always thought I was a “bad person” because I had a bad temper. I finally understood my downward spiral is because I didn’t think I had the right to get angry. I thought that is not what “good” people do, that it destroys lives and happiness. Now the question is what do I do with this new piece of information? The issue is not the anger, the problem is the toxic reaction to the anger. The more ashamed I felt, the more I wanted to suppress my anger, the more it exploded!! I am working on accepting and expressing my anger, this is a practice. In the best of days I can feel the rage building up then I snapped, afterward I sit and feel my body shaking uncontrollably, sometimes I cry, and I just let my body move back and forth allowing the tears flow. There are days when I retreat to my “old” habits, if I am lucky I catch myself blaming and I reel back .. I recite something like “I am angry and that is ok” until I am able to think what to be grateful for in that moment. If I am not lucky the shame, the toxicity comes back … I am working on allowing myself to feel all my emotions. I am a complete, complex person, as we all are, with a full range of emotions. I am learning to love myself, all of me, all the pieces even the “inconvenient” ones … to show up in the world just like me, as my full, complete self ….

Katherine, Dorothy, Mary and Margot

Tue, 28 Feb 2017 00:00:00 +0000

I had the amazing honor to see Margot Lee Shetterly live presentation at Microsoft last Friday. What an incredible opportunity. I love the way she gives voice to the amazing African American scientist women from the 60s. How Morgot touched my heart not only with the story which stands by itself, but especially with the passion she expresses when she talks about Katherine G. Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan and Mary Jackson. I was in tears hearing her talk, how in the face of tremendous injustices and what by all means should have been impossible goals, Katherine, Dorothy and Mary would not take a NO for an answer. No one would have ever blamed them for giving up. In fact, that is what was expected from them, to not even think about succeeding. It was inconceivable for them to be the brains of NASAs trip to space AND back!!! The word NO was not part of their vocabulary. Even now, Katherine did not understand why her story was out of the ordinary, she was only being herself. What a gift to show us what being yourself can accomplish. Thank you Katherine, Dorothy and Mary for being yourselves and to show up in your lives. Thank you Margot for making sure their stories were not kept in the dark, thank you for giving to the next generation of African American women and women in general inspiration to pursue their dreams no matter how impossible they seem. I am grateful to know their stories and for have had a glimpse to their lives through the amazing Margot’s eyes.

Sing and Dance like nobody is watching

Sat, 25 Feb 2017 00:00:00 +0000

There are mornings I wake up smiling, and I sing and dance all day long!!! There is nothing like singing and dancing to keep my spirit up! I grew up dancing all the time! Not ballroom dancing, just joyful, carefree, party movements from cumbia to quebradita to whatever my body felt like doing!!! I always felt a bit out of place since my sisters were awesome at it!! Aida used to teach me all kinds of different types. She is great at leading and following! Gosh, just imagine spending 10 hrs a week dancing!!! What a pleasure, right? Not only is therapeutic it is an awesome exercise!!! I think I would be in optimal fit and health if I was still doing that! My awesome husband finally took pity on me and we started dance lessons. He used to think he didn’t like dancing and he couldn’t learn how to (since he believed he had 2 left feet =D ) instead he is finding out it is such a wonderful thing to experiment with. He is still a little shy because leading is a lot of work, thinking where to go, which is the next move and keep track of me! I am a lot of work!! But, he actually is good, if he could only relax, laugh and enjoy it without thinking he has to be awesome at it …. it would be the best ever!!! Tho, little secret, for me is already the best ever. Every class I smile widely, there are very few things in life that can lift my spirit like dancing and singing does …. Of course, I can not sing, mom used to say we, siblings, sounded like frogs in a puddle whenever we sang!! And we used to sing all the time!!! I think she just wanted a little bit of peace and quiet, who can blame her!!! Mom is really the best! Do you want to smile widely and feel life vibrant on your skin? Sing and dance like no body is watching!

From Puebla to Seattle, loosing myself to find out who I am

Fri, 24 Feb 2017 00:00:00 +0000

https://youtu.be/XlmFF4ksqYQ

Hi, my name is Fabiola. I grew up in a colorful, fantastic, full of history place call Mexico,I grew up in an amazing home, crazy, o my god, crazy, full of laughter, full of noises, shhhe I mean, really, did you want to get rowdy, that was the place to go. Did you wanted to sit down and study and have a quiet moment, never, never done that because never was a momento of peace in that place. But if you wanted to have your spirit lifted, like really have that warm and, something that really really (wated to lift you?…) that’s the place you wanted to be, exactly there. I went to college, I got a job and I met my husband, well he wasn’t my husband back then obviously. I met this amazing man from Seattle, WA. So eventually I moved to Seattle and the place is marvelous, like beautiful, mountains, lakes, amazing. The people are really wonderful buuuut there is something called Seattle freeze and that is really not a joke is for reals. Amm people on the street actually see you coming and kind of look away a little bit making sure you don’t make eye contact otherwise they might have to say hi or smile or something. And no, that is really not for Seattle people. So, I found myself really getting like involve, I really wanted to fit in, I sooo wanted to fit in. That was in a new home, my new place, I had this amazing family. I really did not want to lose that. So, instead on the way to that I Lost myself. I totally become, became somebody that I was not. I dressed like a person from Seattle, I tried to speak like a person from Seattle. My home is a beautiful place that really just has like one picture that will ever tell you that I am from Mexico. And I even said Mexico instead of Mexico, did you see that? So, I found myself realizing that I was losing so much on that, in not being myself, my mexican self. That right now I reclaim who I am. Mi nombre es Fabiola de la Peña Robinson y soy orgullosamente Mexicana! (My name is Fabiola de la Peña Robinson and I am proudly mexican)

Shadows

Sat, 18 Feb 2017 00:00:00 +0000

There are days when I do not have the energy to get out of bed. When slowly I stop showing up in my life. It is not that my life is terrible, it is just that my shadows take a hold of myself. Lately this fear that shows up every so often in my life visited me again. The fear that nobody could love me or accept me fully. When I get angry I yell and scream and become very reactive. My fear makes me believe that anybody that gets to see that side of me could never recover and I am forever tainted in their eyes, I am not loved, I am rejected. Those thoughts get me in my shell until I realize I am hiding again. I used to ignore those fears or try to fight them; tactic that usually resulted in a down spiral of emotions with no end. Now, After I become aware of the paralyzing fear, I allow myself to stay there for a little bit. I do not fight the dark mood or the lack of energy to exercise, I just allow myself to be. I try to befriend my shadows, let them whisper in my ear and my heart their sounds long enough to remember … I am not my shadows, they are part of me but they do not drive my life. Afterward, slowly, almost without me knowing I come back to life. I feel the love of my family, the desire to live and not just survive. I get to love everything I do no matter what it is. Admiring the beautiful lake or have a long day at work. Everything seems to fall into place … Tho, now I know my shadows come back … with no timeline, an hour, a month or a year later. It does not matter how long it takes. I know, nothing lasts forever … My shadows remind me that I get to live deeply and to enjoy every moment of my life for what it is, a gift. After all, even when my shadows visit me, they love me and life’s worth living.

Goddess Circle

Wed, 15 Feb 2017 00:00:00 +0000

It is wonderful to belong to a loving, connected circle of women with whom you can be yourself and share your most inner thoughts without fear. Where you can explore any and all ideas no matter which direction they take you. What an amazing opportunity to grow personally and spiritually. I am inspired to pursue my healing inner calling and open myself to a new way of viewing life and all it has to offer.

A homepage section

Sun, 12 Feb 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Testing what this is about!!! By me!!!

About

Sun, 12 Feb 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Mi nombre es Fabiola creci en mi maravilloso Mexico. En una casa llena de amor, de ruido y de alegria. Con 6 hermanos, eramos 7 niños bulliciosos. Dato curioso cuando yo estaba en la primaria, mi hermana la mas pequeña estaba en el kinder, mi hermano en la secundaria, una de mis hermanas en la prepa y 2 mas en la universidad!!

My name is Fabiola I grew up in my wonderful Mexico. In a house full of love, noise and joy. I had 6 siblings, we were 7 rambunctious kids. Curious thing when I was in elementary school, my youngest sister was in kindergarten, my brother in middle school, I had a sister in high school and 2 in college!

Home

Sun, 12 Feb 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Bienvenidos a este rinconsito donde exploro la vida, valores y cualquier tema que venga a la mente!

Welcome to this corner where I explore life, values and anything and everything that comes to mind

Sample Page

Fri, 06 Jan 2017 00:00:00 +0000

This is an example page. It’s different from a blog post because it will stay in one place and will show up in your site navigation (in most themes). Most people start with an About page that introduces them to potential site visitors. It might say something like this:

Hi there! I'm a bike messenger by day, aspiring actor by night, and this is my website. I live in Los Angeles, have a great dog named Jack, and I like piña coladas. (And gettin' caught in the rain.)

…or something like this:

Welcome

Fri, 06 Jan 2017 00:00:00 +0000

Today marks the beginning of a new tradition for me, explorer with an open, vulnerable heart my thoughts, heart and life in whichever way wants to show up. I like to write but I tend to be very private about my writings, thoughts, likes and dislikes. I am exploring different ways of being.

Thank you for sharing this ride with me!